The Baden Powell Merit Badge Fiasco

It just feels wrong. Although technically speaking I’m entitled, there’s something not quite right about the fact that I have them. I am (I suspect) not acting in accordance with community expectations. It’s a shame; I was so proud when I received them. Amidst the pomp and ceremony, I couldn’t contain my glee. But the harsh truth is, these days I couldn’t tie a sheepshank knot if my life depended on it. That’s why I’ve decided to return my Scouting merit badges.
Continue reading “The Baden Powell Merit Badge Fiasco”

The Great Escape Claus

It must have sounded so promising – a coveted job as part of a high-profile family. It would have been too good to resist. But even things that seem enormously exciting can quickly lose their glittery charm. What starts with a bright, warm burst of optimism quickly turns cold as the bitter wind of reality sweeps in. Imagine; your eyes scanning the classifieds when you fatefully stumble across the following words: Wanted – Mrs Claus. No previous experience necessary. It would be as though all your Christmases had come at once. How apt.
Continue reading “The Great Escape Claus”

The Tortoise and the Hair

‘Good morning Mr. President.’

‘Who is this?’

‘It’s Malcolm Turnbull.’



‘Hey, Tumble, I want answers. Like where the hell is my pizza? I ordered that thing thirty minutes ago and if I don’t see a stuffed crust super supreme in front of me in the next sixty seconds, you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna call the Pentagon, get a dozen five star generals and not only will you bring me pizza, I’ll make you pay for it. Mark my words.’
Continue reading “The Tortoise and the Hair”