The Baden Powell Merit Badge Fiasco

It just feels wrong. Although technically speaking I’m entitled, there’s something not quite right about the fact that I have them. I am (I suspect) not acting in accordance with community expectations. It’s a shame; I was so proud when I received them. Amidst the pomp and ceremony, I couldn’t contain my glee. But the harsh truth is, these days I couldn’t tie a sheepshank knot if my life depended on it. That’s why I’ve decided to return my Scouting merit badges.
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The Great Escape Claus

It must have sounded so promising – a coveted job as part of a high-profile family. It would have been too good to resist. But even things that seem enormously exciting can quickly lose their glittery charm. What starts with a bright, warm burst of optimism quickly turns cold as the bitter wind of reality sweeps in. Imagine; your eyes scanning the classifieds when you fatefully stumble across the following words: Wanted – Mrs Claus. No previous experience necessary. It would be as though all your Christmases had come at once. How apt.
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The Tortoise and the Hair

‘Good morning Mr. President.’

‘Who is this?’

‘It’s Malcolm Turnbull.’

‘Trumble?’

‘Turnbull.’

‘Hey, Tumble, I want answers. Like where the hell is my pizza? I ordered that thing thirty minutes ago and if I don’t see a stuffed crust super supreme in front of me in the next sixty seconds, you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna call the Pentagon, get a dozen five star generals and not only will you bring me pizza, I’ll make you pay for it. Mark my words.’
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