It’s hard to be ‘the one’. Fate can play some pretty nasty pranks from time to time and, without really meaning to, you might find yourself being held responsible for an absolute disaster. No one wants to be the person who undoes a good idea. There’s not a soul on this earth who deliberately sets out to be the one that sinks the ship whilst simultaneously slaying the golden goose. It was a decade before they could make another Batman after George Clooney was done with him. Poor George. It wasn’t his fault the whole thing stunk like a week-old trout in the sun. He was simply in the wrong place in the wrong time.
It’s hard to be ‘the one’. Fate can play some pretty nasty pranks from time to time and, without really meaning to, you might find yourself being held responsible for an absolute disaster. No one wants to be the person who undoes a good idea. There’s not a soul on this earth who deliberately sets out to be the one that sinks the ship whilst simultaneously slaying the golden goose. It was a decade before they could make another Batman after George Clooney was done with him. Poor George. It wasn’t his fault the whole thing stunk like a week-old trout in the sun. He was simply in the wrong place in the wrong time.
There is no franchise as beloved as Star Wars. I was never a fanatic, but that one trip to the Burwood Drive-In in the family Volkswagen remains one of the greatest cinematic experiences of my life. I knew nothing of it when we arrived. By the time we left, my life had been forever changed. Star Wars was to become a defining part of my childhood, something I’d talk about with classmates. I had action figures, the classic Luke Skywalker haircut and a light saber for about thirty seconds after I received it as a gift for Christmas but promptly bent in half during an overly vigorous duel with my brother. But after three films, George Lucas wisely called time; leaving behind a fantastic, epic story that each new generation of moviegoers can discover for themselves. Then, of course, he changed his mind.
After years of begging, the public were finally getting what they had so long demanded – more Star Wars films were on the way. New films meant new creatures which, in turn, meant new merchandise that could appear on lunchboxes the world over and be purchasable as plastic figurines. They must have had such high hopes. Enter Jar Jar Binks.
You’ve got to feel a little sorry for him. Prior to The Phantom Menace, he was just quietly going about his life, working as a barista and an organic whole foods café called ‘The Mighty Turnip’, supplementing his income by picking up occasional gigs as an actor. He’d appeared as Blanche’s love-interest in an episode of The Golden Girls and been a back-up singer / dancer for Madonna on her ‘Who’s That Girl’ world tour but had never really threatened to breakout as a bona fide star. But, one fateful night, everything changed, after Jar Jar got a message on his pager to call George Lucas.
Imagine it. Someone tells you they’re going to change your life forever by putting you in one of the most anticipated movies of the decade. Then they tell you you’ll be playing the role of a Gungan from the planet Naboo. So far, so weird. But regardless of how strange it might sound, Jar Jar would have consoled himself with the thought that these people were responsible for some pretty wonderful films and, doubtless, they knew what they were doing. With the benefit of hindsight, Jar Jar might also have paused to consider that these very same people were also responsible for Howard the Duck, one of the most spectacular cinematic flops within memory, living and dead and even not quite feeling itself.
When The Phantom Menace was finally unleashed on an expectant public, the results were mixed. It was, without a shadow of a doubt, a huge financial success, paving the way for two further films. But things did not go so well for Jar Jar. To say that his performance was poorly received is like describing the maiden voyage of the Titanic as leaving room for improvement. Put simply, it was a disaster for the aspirant actor. Jar Jar Binks has since been described as one of the most reviled characters in film history.
Jar Jar Binks appeared in the next two installments but in a drastically reduced role. Inevitably, the work dried up. Madonna changed her musical direction. Blanche from The Golden Girls no longer returned his calls. Jar Jar got bumped from barista to clearing tables at ‘The Mighty Turnip’. He withdrew from public life, even quitting as keyboard player for Keanu Reeves’ band, ‘Dogstar’.
In the process of moving house, there have been many discoveries. Perhaps most startling of all is that I appear to possess any number of neckties that I would only ever wear at gunpoint. As I was sorting through a pile of ties, there was one that caught my attention. Black and made a synthetic material that was both unpleasant to the touch and (probably) highly flammable, there was a picture at the bottom. There, at the end of the tie, was a picture of Jar Jar Binks, smiling as though he hadn’t a care in the world.
I have no idea why I have a Jar Jar Binks necktie and cannot imagine a circumstance under which I’d wear it to work. But that’s not the point. Rather, it’s a reminder of another time. One where Jar Jar thought the world was not merely his oyster but his seafood platter. Where anything was possible. Now it’s a souvenir of an unmitigated disaster. Soon there will be another Star Wars film. But as you await its release, spare a thought for the guy clearing coffee cups at The Mighty Turnip.