Spare a thought for Greece. Sadly, it seems there’s a very real chance they may soon be tapped on the shoulder and politely asked to gather their things before exiting the Eurozone. It prompts the question, where are they supposed to go? There are plenty of zones out there, not all of them suitable for a sovereign nation. It’ll be no good if, after leaving the Eurozone, Greece enters the Twilight Zone. Worse still would be if they got stuck with professional beardo Kenny Loggins on his ‘Highway to the Dangerzone’. That’s about as appealing as the thought of a jump-suited Maverick man-spreading in the cockpit of an Air Force fighter jet, mumbling under his breath about ‘the need for speed’. Thanks but no thanks.
Spare a thought for Greece. Sadly, it seems there’s a very real chance they may soon be tapped on the shoulder and politely asked to gather their things before exiting the Eurozone. It prompts the question, where are they supposed to go? There are plenty of zones out there, not all of them suitable for a sovereign nation. It’ll be no good if, after leaving the Eurozone, Greece enters the Twilight Zone. Worse still would be if they got stuck with professional beardo Kenny Loggins on his ‘Highway to the Dangerzone’. That’s about as appealing as the thought of a jump-suited Maverick man-spreading in the cockpit of an Air Force fighter jet, mumbling under his breath about ‘the need for speed’. Thanks but no thanks.
There’s a real risk that Greece could end up in the friend-zone which, as we all know only too well, sucks immensely. But, unbelievably, it could be worse. If Greece is super unlucky, they could end up in the Korean Demilitarized Zone. Talk about awkward! You couldn’t so much as take out the bins without nosey-parker neighbours on both sides wondering what you were up to. Or maybe its luck will turn and Greece will leave the Eurozone, with its weird currency and fondness for shoes without socks, and end up in the erogenous zone instead. We can only hope.
No matter which way you look at it, being thrown out of your economic region is a pretty spectacular kick in the financial pants. Things may be in a mess, economically speaking, but before anyone gets too carried away, everyone should pause, take a deep breath and get a little perspective. Greece has done a lot for which we should all be grateful. I’m not talking about souvlaki, Nana Mouskouri or Greek mythology, even though each of those things is undeniably fantastic. Rather, I’m talking about democracy, which Greece pretty much invented. If you’re going to have an idea, you might as well make it a cracker. And democracy is, if nothing else, an absolute rip-snorter of an idea.
In contrast to Australia, Greece can’t rely on vast deposits of mineral wealth to sustain it. But it is responsible for the best idea for government that anyone’s ever had. In a fairer world, Greece would receive a healthy dividend from every nation on the planet that has chosen to blatantly plunder its intellectual property. Establishing the foundations for Western civilization ought to earn you at least a few brownie points, if not something a little more fiscally solid. Much like residuals that are sent out to former sitcom stars, Greece should be able to survive comfortably for the rest of its days. Strangely though, its achievements are rarely recognized. That’s because the rest of the world has a tendency to disparage democracy even as they enjoy its spoils.
Winston Churchill claimed that the best argument against democracy with a five-minute conversation with the average voter. He also claimed that democracy is the worst form of government except for all the others. Clearly, Winston was trying to haggle over the licensing fee by first talking down the product. He should have simply coughed up and sent a bunch of flowers to the Greek nation with a note that simply read, ‘thanks’. But it’s not just Winston Churchill sinking the boots in to Greece’s greatest export. Giorgio Armani was once quoted as saying that, ‘Jeans represent democracy in fashion.’ I don’t exactly what that means, but given the acid-wash debacle of 1988 – 1992 of which I was a victim, it can’t possibly be good.
Whether or not Greece remains part of the Eurozone should not be determined by mere economics. If it were up to me, these things would be decided by a European-wide vote, kind of like Eurovision. On second thoughts, I think that this is exactly the kind of intractable problem that should be resolved at Eurovision. Nations who get the least votes should not merely be shamed in a worldwide broadcast to billions of people; they should be relegated out of Europe to another continent. That, I feel, is fair. Given the generally high standard of their entries, Greece would remain securely fixed in the European firmament whilst Britain and their risible dirge would see them relegated from Europe to Africa or maybe Antarctica and having to do the hard yards to be re-admitted. As it goes for Davis Cup, so it should go for international economics.
There is, of course, one other option if you want to restructure your debt: a name change. Businesses do it all the time as a way of hitting the ‘refresh’ button and leaving the past behind. Prince Roger Nelson did it to escape a recording contract he regarded as oppressive. I’m not sure if a country has ever changed its name to an unpronounceable symbol, but ‘the artist formerly known as Greece’ has a definite ring to it. There are heaps of options: you could name it after a Greek philosopher like Socrates, Plato or Aristotle, all of whom have contributed so much to civilized thought. Or, if that doesn’t work, call the joint ‘Westeros’ instead. I don’t mean to make light of such turmoil: these are uncertain times for a great country. You can only hope that someone, somewhere will find a way forward. Best wishes to all.