Imagine it. There you are, minding your own business when, out of nowhere, the world’s media descends like rain, wanting to know everything about you. Not because you’ve done something spectacular or have discovered anything miraculous, but just for being yourself. It would be unnerving to say the least. But what might seem intrusive becomes downright insulting when the reason for all this unsolicited attention becomes clear – you have just been voted by a substantial margin the ‘world’s ugliest animal’. It would be difficult to know how to respond. Spare a thought, then, for Australia’s own ‘Blobfish’.
Imagine it. There you are, minding your own business when, out of nowhere, the world’s media descends like rain, wanting to know everything about you. Not because you’ve done something spectacular or have discovered anything miraculous, but just for being yourself. It would be unnerving to say the least. But what might seem intrusive becomes downright insulting when the reason for all this unsolicited attention becomes clear – you have just been voted by a substantial margin the ‘world’s ugliest animal’. It would be difficult to know how to respond. Spare a thought, then, for Australia’s own ‘Blobfish’.
The circumstances may not be ideal but, when all’s said and done, everyone loves a winner. Being crowned the world champion of anything will invariably open up a bunch of opportunities, including for this previously underappreciated creature. It begs the obvious question: if being crowned Ms Universe can get you a spot on a travel show and a sponsorship with a major department store, what bounty of riches awaits the Blobfish? Host of ‘Deal or No Deal’? Guest judge on ‘X Factor’? Perhaps even a role on Neighbours? Let’s face it – the cast has sorely lacked diversity over the years. They may have had a ‘Toadfish’, but I don’t believe they’ve ever had a ‘Blobfish’. I, for one, look forward to the day when the Blobfish strides across the stage to collect a Logie for ‘Best New Talent’.
If it were up to me, I’d ensure that Australia’s newest hero steered clear of the soaps in favour of something with a little more class. Like TV’s ‘The Bachelor’. Forget hauling out some spruced-up male model with chiseled good looks, dimples, designer stubble and abdominals that resemble a slate roof. Being good-looking has been done to death and, quite frankly, is as dull as cleaning your ears. In fact, there’s something inherently tiresome about conventionally handsome people; so much so that’s it’s bordering on cliché. I’d go so far as to say that shows like ‘The Bachelor’ suffer greatly because everyone involved is (at least externally speaking) horrifically good-looking. It’s time to mess with the formula. What it needs, more than anything else, is a different perspective. Imagine the Blobfish; dressed in a tuxedo, taking prospective life partners out on dates and dishing out roses like nobody’s business. Now that’s a television show worth watching.
But for all the perks that sudden fame can bring, it’s worth remembering that the poor old Blobfish did not shamelessly seek out all this attention. Presumably it did not nominate itself as the ‘world’s ugliest animal’. It wasn’t even an intruder in the Big Brother house. No, the Blobfish has become famous purely by chance. Plucked both from obscurity and the ocean somewhere off the coast of Queensland, it now has to defend itself to a world obsessed with physical appearance.
That said; the humble Blobfish is used to pressure. That’s because when it isn’t busy being famous and winning awards, it lives in waters between six and twelve hundred metres deep. At that depth, the pressure is dozens of times greater than at sea level and many creatures, including other members of the Big Brother house, would be unable to survive. This, of course, is not necessarily a bad thing. The Blobfish, however, thrives in this environment by being a gelatinous mass that expends as little energy as possible on fripperies such as swimming. What it hasn’t got in muscles it more than makes up for by not being a fussy eater, consuming any edible matter that happens to float in front of it. As it happens, I took almost exactly the same approach during my teenage years.
Just because the Blobfish is unlikely to be confused for George Clooney is no reason to hate him. Besides, what he lacks in traditional good looks he more than makes up for with personality. And that goes double for the Blobfish. As for me, I feel that this pink, gelatinous mass that floats along the bottom of the ocean may well be something of a kindred spirit. So before we get caught up debating what is and isn’t ugly, allow me to be the first to say: enough!
It’s time for us to lighten up. We don’t all need to be super models and it would be a horrible world if we were. It’s all a matter of preference anyway. Ugliness, just like beauty, is very much in the eye of the beholder. There’s no need to accept someone else’s opinion as to what is or isn’t aesthetically pleasing. Beauty is wherever you find it. Even the bottom of the ocean. I, for one, say give me a Blobfish over ‘The Bachelor’ any day of the week. Should it happen to be accompanied by chips and a light salad, then so much the better.
So to any Blobfish that might be reading this, don’t let others bring you down. I think you’re terrific. I believe you should be celebrated rather than derided and I’d like to see you added to our coat of arms at the earliest opportunity. Why? Because, in a funny kind of way, you represent us all. In truth, there’s a little bit of Blobfish in each and every person. Well done on your award.