Gazing on my own reflection
With loving, naked, pure affection
I must have been a touch distracted
As the steel on skin impacted
Cos in an instant, before I knew it
I was well and truly skewered
Trickling blood, a crimson creek
It struck me dumb, I could not speak!
Gazing on my own reflection
With loving, naked, pure affection
I must have been a touch distracted
As the steel on skin impacted
Cos in an instant, before I knew it
I was well and truly skewered
Trickling blood, a crimson creek
It struck me dumb, I could not speak!
Yes with the blood upon my cheek
I didn’t cry, I did not shriek
I tore a tiny piece of Sorbent
Thought, ‘Perfect time to take a portrait’
For though I’d cut myself whilst shaving
I thought the moment one worth saving
I saved it, yes, so I could prove
That if I’m cut I bleed, like you
And in that awe-inspiring moment
Where I chose to mobile phone it
I did not turn to get a bandage
But turned it to my own advantage
For I’ve had many wounds before
In bathrooms and on Caucus floor
And with a click the deed was done
Soon to be seen by everyone
I took this wounded face of mine
And put the image up online
Where it got a million hits
I tweeted it to all the twits!
I shoved it up on Instagram
To show the world all that I am
(Sure, for some, it would have grated
But mystique’s sorely overrated)
I did it without fear or favour
Just so you could sit and savour
Some say in exasperation
‘This is too much information!’
But I think those folks are mistaken
So take this picture I have taken
Of me and my shaving cut
Behold, my friends, my bloodied nut!
Some may claim that it’s unhealthy
For a man to send a selfie
To more than a million folks
And cause them on their toast to choke
Confronted with my bloodied image
Haunted by my beaming visage
I did it not to cause you fear
But to remind you all I’m here
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who can resist the siren’s call?
Of joy and love and pure devotion
That comes along with self-promotion
The shock was not that I had nicked it
But that the wound was self inflicted
So now I’ve shared the razor’s nip
That’s all from me – I’ve gotta zip