The Lee Majors’ Guide to Good Housekeeping

WWLMD? All my life, I have tried to live up to a certain standard as if an indelible code has been forever imprinted on my soul. Sure, you can choose to float through this world like a twig in a flooded gutter or you can take a stand and actually believe in something. I, for one, have pledged my allegiance to a way of living that has at its heart certain principles – gallantry, nobility and high quality stunt-work. Is it a cult? Perhaps. Is it an organized religion? There’s nothing organized about it. It is, in fact, a simple question that has guided me through my life so far. That question is: WWLMD? Or, to set it out in full – what would Lee Majors do?
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Frog Day Afternoon: Painting Myself Into a Corner

I have no idea what we were thinking. Neither of us had started the day declaring that we needed to find and purchase the worst piece of art in the known universe. Particularly one that featured as its subject that most mysterious and mythical of creatures: the frog. But by the time the sun had been swallowed by the earth, we had done exactly that. I can only attribute our decision to part with an amount of money in exchange for a painting that neither of us liked to look at, much less wanted to own, as being the result of panic on my part.
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Pride and Extreme Prejudice

There are just two things in this world I can’t stand: intolerance and the left handed. I just know they’re out there; living their left-handed lives, oblivious to the simmering contempt in which I hold them. It fairly sends a chill down my spine to think that I may well pass these mutants on the street without so much as realizing it. Sometimes I secretly suspect that they’re planning to gang up on me, to give me the beating of my life, albeit using the wrong hand.
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Bananadrama: Why B1 and B2 Had To Go

It was only a matter of time. When you’re super-famous, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll end up flying a little too high, a little too close to the sun. Most of us would end up getting burned eventually. But if you happen to be a banana, you also run a serious risk of turning brown well before your time. The constant adulation from adoring fans, the extreme wealth, the red carpets ­– it’s bound to get to you eventually. When ABC announced that Bananas in Pyjamas would not be renewed, reference was made to revenue issues. This, quite frankly, ignores the fact that B1 and B2 have been out of control for some time now.
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Help! Reality television has taken control of my life.

There are two versions of me. The first is cultured, sophisticated and watches documentaries on SBS or ABC if anything at all, preferring instead to read the works of Nietzsche in the original German whilst listening to the collected works of Rachmaninov. The second, however, is uglier and far closer to the truth. This is the individual who would gladly watch a fly crawl across a wall so long as it was televised five nights a week and included a chance for a phone vote. There’s no easy way to say it: reality television has made me an imbecile.
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