It has come to this. After thousands if not millions of years of steady progress, the human species finally has given up on evolution and decided to grind to a halt. It is clear to me that there can be no going forward after this. As obstacles go, this one can only be described as ‘insurmountable’. For we may have survived plagues, wars and natural calamities with barely a misstep but there is little hope that we’ll ever get over ‘Gangnum Style’.
It has come to this. After thousands if not millions of years of steady progress, the human species finally has given up on evolution and decided to grind to a halt. It is clear to me that there can be no going forward after this. As obstacles go, this one can only be described as ‘insurmountable’. For we may have survived plagues, wars and natural calamities with barely a misstep but there is little hope that we’ll ever get over ‘Gangnum Style’.
According to the internet, the video for Psy’s song ‘Gangnum Style’ has been viewed seventy billion times and is more popular than the moon landing, last year’s Moomba parade and the episode of Neighbours were Scott and Charlene got married whilst being bombarded by Angry Anderson combined. Worse than just being a novelty video, the song is this country’s number one single. This is a disaster.
Everything about the song is terrible. Its extraordinary success is enough to cause the most reasonable amongst us to question whether a merciful god can exist when ‘Gangnum style’ is allowed to prosper. I’ve seen numerous articles trying desperately to wring some greater meaning out of the song’s runaway success but, frankly, it’s like trying to get blood from a stone. There is no meaning. It’s a just a slightly overweight dude riding a pretend horse instead of proper dancing. Whilst Psy will, if not laugh all the way to the bank, then certainly ride his imaginary horse there, for the rest of us it’s time to admit that something, somewhere has gone horribly, horribly wrong.
It’s not the first awful song to climb to music’s lofty summit or even the first novelty song to push proper music out of the way in its rush to dominate the public’s attention. When George Orwell wrote of a bleak, dystopian future set in 1984, he must have had a premonition that Black Lace would release ‘Agadoo’ that very year. It was a huge hit and makes Psy look like Shakespeare in comparison. In what must have been a moment of collective temporary madness, it sold more than a million copies worldwide. Goodness knows how many they might have off-loaded had the Internet existed. Years later, it would be voted the fourth most annoying song of all time. It doesn’t stand thinking what the top three might have been. If you’ve never heard ‘Agadoo’, I beg you not to go looking for it. As it stands, your ears owe you a favour.
Novelty songs are something of a very mixed bag. ‘Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West)’ by Benny Hill was a chart topper and had a story to tell. ‘Lydia the Tattooed Lady’ by Groucho Marx is a work of genius. The same goes for ‘The Court of King Caractacus’ by Rolf Harris. ‘Stutter Rap (No Sleep Til Bedtime)’ by Morris Minor and the Majors is brilliant parody. In the other corner we have ‘My Ding A Ling’ by Chuck Berry which is every bit as sophisticated as it sounds. But while Chuck was a rock and roll legend, those responsible for novelty songs often have a fleeting relationship with fame. For Psy, it’s a matter of making as much hay as he can before the sun stops shining forever.
As much as I’d like to blame the Internet, it is not entirely at fault. Novelty songs took something of a nasty turn somewhere in the 1990s. To this day, ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ by Billy Ray Cyrus can reduce me to tears. Not because it manages to summon up thoughts of summers past or loves lost but for its sheer, unadulterated dreadfulness. It’s a little known fact that East Berliners gave serious consideration to renovating the Berlin wall as a means of keeping Billy Ray’s song and his army of mutant bootscootin’ freaks he had as fans at a safe distance. Who can blame them? Then there was the matter of The Baha Men. They asked one question and one question alone; namely, ‘Who Let the Dogs Out?’ In response, I have a question of my own: why? Why would you release such a terrible song? It’s a question that should now be asked of Psy.
Some mention must be made of the video clip. It may be that the video for ‘Gangnum Style’ has done for imaginary horse riding what ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ did for line dancing. That’s not a good thing. For myself, there’s a lot about it I can’t pretend to understand. There’s the slightly perplexing scene in the sauna when the rapper seems ready to take a power nap on the shoulder of a stranger. Then there’s the shot of Psy dancing on a speedboat whilst wearing a lifejacket; proving that he not only has an eye for the ladies but for safety also. Finally, there’s the bit where Psy is singing while seated on the toilet, providing perhaps the clearest insight into the song’s creation.
Is this what the Internet has given us – a world in which the odd and ultimately useless can rise up and dominate us all? I hope not. Perhaps we’ve always lived in an age of novelty and the Internet just serves to magnify it. I just hope that the next big song to come along is worthy of all the attention and not just a waste of space. It would break my achy breaky heart if it were otherwise.