We need heroes now more than ever. In fact, never before has the vast human Diaspora so craved something to inspire and lift it up. That’s because heroes give people hope and feed us the courage to dream a little bigger and live a little larger, no matter the circumstances. Even when fear laps at our ankles, our idols pull us towards something higher. They are, to coin a phrase, the wind beneath our wings. No matter how cynical you become, there is something about the human condition that longs for inspiration. We need heroes as surely as oxygen.
We need heroes now more than ever. In fact, never before has the vast human Diaspora so craved something to inspire and lift it up. That’s because heroes give people hope and feed us the courage to dream a little bigger and live a little larger, no matter the circumstances. Even when fear laps at our ankles, our idols pull us towards something higher. They are, to coin a phrase, the wind beneath our wings. No matter how cynical you become, there is something about the human condition that longs for inspiration. We need heroes as surely as oxygen.
Just when you’ve given up hope that a champion will arise from the ashes of everyday mediocrity, along comes someone or something to surprise you. I speak, of course, of Melbourne’s highway goat.
For several glorious weeks, an anonymous goat was spotted grazing by the road in the north of Melbourne, near Flemington Road. This included multiple sightings along the CityLink freeway and the broader Parkville area. But being sighted is one thing. Eluding capture is quite another. Those charged with bringing the fugitive creature to justice were quick to cite its agility. Indeed, that the animal navigated difficult terrain with the sure footedness of a goat was noted on more than one occasion. Try as they might, they could not capture it. As week rolled into week and sightings continued to pour in, what began as a begrudging respect from the broader population blossomed into no-holds barred affection for the plucky little animal.
Like so many others, I began to barrack for the goat during this period. That so great an effort should be made to secure it seemed somewhat unjust. So far as I could tell, its only crime was freedom. That and not having an e-tag. But it’s not as though it had just rolled a 7-Eleven or robbed a bank. It deserved to be free. Clearly it possessed sufficient sense to steer clear of the traffic. About the only danger it presented was that passing motorists might spot it and become distracted, wondering whether they had, in fact, just seen a goat. I wanted it to roam the rolling hills of CityLink’s vegetated areas, perhaps only emerging at night to fight crime as a masked vigilante. But if the last bit wasn’t possible, then I’d gladly settle for allowing it to live peaceably and go about its business without fear of people trying to capture it.
The longer the goat remained at large, the more prone those responsible for writing newspaper headlines were to slipping into something best referred to as ‘overdrive’. References to ‘Goat Spotted: Not Kidding’ abounded, whilst the frustration of those trying to capture him would best be described as, ‘Failure to Get Their Goat Gets Their Goat’. Radio bulletins reported his whereabouts in detail, right down to him being seen ‘headed south’ on Elliot Avenue. However, after weeks of avoiding capture, Melbourne’s wonder goat has finally been caught. According to authorities, they’re required to take it to the lost dog’s home, which seems a massive injustice. There was no mention at all as to whether bail would be offered. In my view, this goat should not be forced into captivity so much as granted the keys to the city.
To the best of my knowledge, Melbourne does not have a mascot. Gundagai has its dog on the tuckerbox, Sydney the Harbour Bridge and Opera House. But Melbourne lacks a single identifiable object with which to associate it. Granted, for a magical two weeks in December 2008, there was the Southern Star Observation Wheel, but it seems that the wheel(s) have since well and truly come off that idea. As it lies in pieces like the world’s least useful Meccano set, it’s time we looked to a new symbol to represents our hopes, dreams and aspirations.
We need a mascot to call our own and it’s time to think big. Something or someone that represents the bravery, ingenuity and old-fashioned tenacity that defines this city. Explorers, bushrangers and political figures of the past – these things are all a little tired. It’s time for something new. It is, in fact, time for Wonder Goat.
Melbourne’s Wonder Goat should attend all major events held in the city as guest of honour. No role is too big. It should be the Moomba monarch, Lord Mayor and crowned Winner of Australia’s Next Top Model. Preferably all at once. It should perform a medley of its greatest hits in the half time interval of the Grand Final. For those who suggest that’s a ridiculous idea, let me simply say that the results could hardly be any worse than those of previous years. There ought to be a movie. Given the success of ‘Red Dog’ at the box office last year, there’s surely a potential sequel in ‘White Goat’. Perhaps a special coin or maybe even a statue. They could even pay tribute to it through a vehicle license plate slogan. Surely – ‘Victoria – the Nanny State’ would be perfect.
Perhaps it’s the fact of the goat’s appearance being so unexpected made it strangely thrilling. Given the huge amount of pleasure one wayward goat managed to bring to others, there is much to suggest that authorities could do worse that release a different animal each month. Just to keep our spirits up. But whilst the chances of that are slim to none, the chance of Wonder Goat appearing in the first place were slimmer still. Thanks Wonder Goat. No kidding.