Music can transport you. Even a few bars of a long lost song can instantly take you to another time or place. This is especially true of television theme music. If there’s a genre of music that doesn’t get the respect it so richly deserves, it’s this one. It’s not so much regarded as the poor cousin of regular music as the poor second cousin twice removed and living in a basement, whose name no one dares mention aloud at family gatherings. Whilst as a general rule I am all for musical snobbery, it’s time that these songs came in from the cold.
Music can transport you. Even a few bars of a long lost song can instantly take you to another time or place. This is especially true of television theme music. If there’s a genre of music that doesn’t get the respect it so richly deserves, it’s this one. It’s not so much regarded as the poor cousin of regular music as the poor second cousin twice removed and living in a basement, whose name no one dares mention aloud at family gatherings. Whilst as a general rule I am all for musical snobbery, it’s time that these songs came in from the cold.
I believe I’ve been very clear regarding my fondness for the theme music to ‘Diff’rent Strokes’. Helpfully entitled ‘Theme from Diff’rent Strokes’, for those of a certain age it became the song that defined a generation. That it defined us as being a bunch of square-eyed dorks enslaved to the idiot box is beside the point. More than just a TV theme, it had the gravitas of a national anthem. Personally, I’d like to think there’s a country somewhere in Europe where a podium finish is celebrated with a blast of ‘The Theme from Diff’rent Strokes’.
More than mere nostalgic triggers, these musical signatures are sometimes much bigger than the shows they support. I only remember two things about the show ‘Good Times’. The first is Jimmy Walker’s catchphrase of ‘Dynamite!’ The second is the wonderful theme music. Ditto for ‘The Dukes of Hazard’. However, of all the theme songs to overshadow the show from whence they’d sprung, none did so as spectacularly as ‘Believe It or Not’ from the TV series, ‘The Greatest American Hero.’ The show itself lasted just three seasons whereas the song peaked at number two on the US charts. To this day I can recite most of the lyrics. I remember barely a thing of the show itself.
There are two key types of theme music. Firstly, there are those that simply provide a striking musical motif as a means by which to stamp the personality of the show firmly on the minds of the viewer. Into this category, I would place ‘Magnum PI’, ‘Bonanza’, ‘Hill Street Blues’, ‘Hawaii Five-O’ and ‘I Dream of Jeannie’. Then there are those that seek to provide a summary of the show’s entire premise in the course of sixty seconds. I refer to this category as the ‘For those who may have joined us late’ group. This esteemed collection includes ‘Theme from Gilligan’s Island’, ‘The Ballad of Jed Clampet’ (from Beverley Hillbillies), ‘The Love Boat’, ‘The Brady Bunch Theme’ and ‘The Addams Family’. Some, however, fall in between these two stools and more remind you of the show than explain it. In this category you’d find ‘Thank You for Being a Friend’ (from ‘The Golden Girls’) and ‘Welcome Back’ (from ‘Welcome Back Kotter’).
I’m certain that I’d be delighted to hear any of these songs. I’m not so sure I’d like to sit through the programs to which they belong, even if tied to a chair. Whilst the chances of stumbling across television shows that were long ago consigned to television’s back closet were once remote, the introduction of digital television has changed all that. Suddenly, shows that have been off air for decades have been revived and are screening regularly. I don’t know how many of episodes of ‘JAG’ and ‘MacGyver’ were originally produced, but it seems like a lot, as there is a never-ending supply clogging up the airwaves. When I do encounter them, there is an initial rush of euphoria as the theme song kicks in. It is almost always replaced by a sense of horror as I watch the program itself. It’s hard to believe that these shows ever took up residence in the collective national psyche, even for a little while.
It’s clear to me now. Many of these shows were never much chop and, in fact, we were seduced solely by the music. However, those that create the music for TV rarely receive the adulation they deserve. This must change. But where to begin? It’s simple – when it comes to television musical credits, there are those who are diehard fans of W.G. ‘Snuffy’ Walden (thirtysomething, The Wonder Years, The West Wing), but for me the giant of the genre is Mike Post.
Responsible for the TV themes for ‘Hill Street Blues’, ‘Law and Order’, ‘The Rockford Files’ and ‘Doogie Howser MD’ as well as ‘Believe it or Not’, he is without doubt a master of his craft. These pieces of music deserve so much more than thirty seconds whilst the credits roll. That’s why I’ve decided to put together a band that celebrates the extraordinary work of this musician. ‘The Mike Post-Modern Ensemble’ will perform our eponymous hero’s work whilst dressed as characters from the television programs to which they belong. Imagine it – B.A. Baracus tearing up the stage as the band lets rip with the theme from ‘The A-Team’. It will be a sight well worth seeing, to say nothing of a six-foot moustache tackling the searing guitar riff that anchors the theme to ‘Magnum PI’. Granted, the band faces some challenges in that there will be the need for multiple costume changes, but that’s what the adverts are for. Naturally, we would play some kind of residency until, inevitably, we would be cancelled. But that’s all right. TV composers are used to that.