PRO FORMA RESPONSE LETTER
(insert name and address)
Dear (insert first name)/ Mr/s (insert surname) / (insert serial number),
Thank you for sending us your manuscript for (insert name of genius manuscript).
We have read your manuscript and consider it:
(a) a work of indisputable genius,
(b) not quite right for our organization,
(c) a complete abuse of the English language we know and love.
Unfortunately, we cannot accept your manuscript in spite of:
its obvious merit,
its usefulness as a make–shift doorstop,
This is because:
we have a full list of clients / publications at present,
a down-turn in the book market,
the El Nino effect.
Please find enclosed with this correspondence:
your manuscript which we are returning,
a complimentary sticker and hat,
a restraining order preventing you from attending our offices or writing to us again.
Of course, another organization may:
feel completely differently,
not bother opening the envelope to begin with,
hunt you down in the name of good taste.
Good luck with your writing:
and best wishes for the future,
because you sorely need it,
although that luck might best be spent elsewhere.
(insert name / mark here)