Standing about in a Kung Fu stance
With her white robe on and matching white pants
She may be quiet and she may be humble
But she’s always prepared and she’s ready to rumble
The rest of the chickens thought her suspicious
And when talking of her were often quite vicious
They made fun of Calliope, behind her back
As they gossiped around the old chicken shack
All the other hens preferred playing darts
And they had no time to do martial arts
Leaving poor Cal alone in the yard
Rehearsing her chops and practicing hard
Training before the sun had yet risen
Muscles you’d usually see only in prison
Calliope knew that they laughed about her
And no matter what, she was stuck on the outer
It’s no fun being picked on, bullied or teased
It makes you unhappy and very displeased
So Calliope kind of kept to herself
And shared her thoughts with nobody else
From her chicken mouth right down to her legs
Whilst scratching around and when laying eggs
Cal did not utter a sentence or syllable
She held her tongue for an unending interval
She only spoke when it wasn’t expected
Which confirmed to the others just what they suspected
That chicken Calliope was a little bit strange
And wasn’t at home there on the free range
Each afternoon at about half past four
Came a rattle and shake at the chicken shack door
And every day all the chickens would panic
Flapping their wings and being quite manic
As if it had not ever happened before
They’d race back and forth across the coop floor
And, just as quickly, they’d soon grow calmer
As the door opened up and in stepped the farmer.
Come along chooks, the farmer would cough
Pouring feed from a bucket, into a trough
The hens would all squawk and the hens would all splutter
And were so high-strung, the farmer did mutter
It does no good, for all these hens
To spend each day waiting and stuck in a pen
All their emotions so close to the surface
It sickens the chickens to always be nervous
Tomorrow you girls will get a surprise
The moment you wake and open your eyes
While the hens didn’t notice – they were too busy eating
Calliope wondered what the farmer was meaning
As the sun reached, over the horizon
The whole chicken coop got a surprise when
A shadowy figure cleared out his throat
Before letting loose an incredible note
It was long, high and clear with a touch of vibrato
And belonged to a rooster by the name of Ricardo
As the hens gathered – some still in their night dresses
Ricardo smoothed out his silky long tresses
With the back of his wing, then took a long breath
Stood up quite straight and puffed out his chest
Good morning ladies, my name is Ricardo
He said in a voice all filled with bravado
I’ve come to your coop to stay for a while
He said with a slightly mischievous smile
An audible gasp was there to be heard
Tumbling out of the beaks of the birds
You’re going to stay? They asked in a chorus
Tell us exactly what you will do for us
The Rooster began to make an advance
And without delay he started to dance
He sang in a voice that was clearer than crystal
And bounced off the tin like a shot from a pistol
I’m only here to make you feel good
Protect you from harm like a good rooster should
I’ve got personality and talent to burn
And all that this rooster will ask in return
Is that you write a note, down in your diary
To make special effort, just to admire me
From afar or from closer, I really don’t mind
But if I don’t impress you then you must be blind
I’m a good looking rooster, and that’s undeniable
If you want something handsome, I’m always reliable
I’ve studied the arts and am great at debating
And my voice has had six years of opera training
So to answer your question, to respond to your query
I’m here to make sure life never gets dreary
He finished his song down on bended knee
As if he had just made a royal decree
He was still taking bows as applause petered out
And with a great flourish, span himself about
It drove the point home until it was hammered
Anyone could see the hens were enamoured
Their eyes were as full as the ocean Pacific
The hens thought that Rick was a bit of terrific
Calliope watched the unfolding events
With her beak hanging wide with all the suspense
My goodness she said, as the noise fell away
The hens turned around to hear what she’d say
But Calliope stood just as mute as a stone
And felt such a chill in her poor chicken bones
Slowly the silence then started to melt
As the chickens all laughed, Calliope felt
She shouldn’t have spoken and should have stayed quiet
The chuckling crowd then became a riot
Calliope Chicken! The laughed and they squeaked
We liked it better when you didn’t speak!
Calliope cringed and hung her head low
If chickens could blush, she’d have been all aglow
She covered her face deep down in her shame
As the hens gathered round started chanting her name
Ricardo the Rooster joined along with them
As laughter rang out, across the chook pen
Calliope made her way back to the roost
Hoping it might give her spirits a boost
But she could hear the chickens still speaking
And she listened in until her eyes were leaking
With tears streaming down the side of her face
Calliope’s mind turned to thoughts of escape
The following day at about half past four
A familiar rattle could be heard at the door
Settle down ladies, Ricardo said
There’s no need for panic, you’re about to be fed
The hatch door swung open and in a split second
Calliope knew that her freedom beckoned
Dressed like a ninja from her head to her talons
Filled up with courage like it came by the gallon
As the farmer stepped in, Calliope bolted
Span around twice and then somersaulted
Right past the farmer and straight past the hens
And past Ricardo and out of the pen
Her chicken legs pumped up and down like two pistons
As she felt adrenaline surge through her system
Her chicken feet flailing, she looked quite bizarre
Careering about like an old dodgem car
As her legs were nearly worn down to the nub
Calliope disappeared into the scrub
Cal turned around and dropped to the ground
Her heavy breathing was the only sound
Calliope heard for a minute or two
This brave little bird, what should she do?
Cal watched the coop from a comfortable distance
And from what she saw, she drew an inference
That none of the chickens seem too effected
Cal’s escape, it would seem, had passed undetected
I am free, I am free, I am free, she repeated
As she considered how her freedom teetered
On something so simple as taking a chance
And running as though she had fire in her pants
Because what is simple can seem complicated
Which why simple things can be relegated
Neglected, forgotten or simply misplaced
When all you need have is a handful of faith
Calliope’s thoughts soon turned to survival
As she built her camp, not a moment was idle
Using kung fu, she quickly created
Stilts so to build a house elevated
A house grand enough to be fit for a senator
Safe and secure to protect her from predators
As Cal settled down for her first night’s sleep
She suddenly felt satisfaction so deep
That it dwelled within her right down to her soul
And kept her warm in the night black as coal
Then one day as dawn broke over the farm
The sound of a song did shatter the calm
It was, put politely, a real heart-starter
As Ricardo sang songs from La Traviatta
Rise and shine ladies, Ricardo declared
It’s time for you to get up and prepare
To shake off your sleep and be energetic
And begin a routine of strict calisthenics
The hens were reluctant to get out of bed
Some of them even kept snoring instead
He’d asked them nicely, he’d even sung
So Ricardo cried out at the top of his lungs
GET OUT OF BED he bellowed and blustered
IS THAT ALL THE EFFORT YOU CHICKENS CAN MUSTER?
The sound of the screaming set off a commotion
And set the hens into a flurry of motion
And amidst all the yelling and all the shock
Nobody noticed the creeping red fox…..
Meanwhile, back at Calliope’s camp
She was warm and secure and out the damp
She never went far unless safe to do so
And lived her life just like Robinson Crusoe
Push ups and star jumps and yoga twice daily
Her fitness regime was so far from lazy
She had chicken sweat running out of her pores
As Cal became fitter than ever before
Back in the coop, the chickens were stretching
They collapsed and complained and some were dry retching
Ricardo looked out, shook his head in disgust
Off you go now, back to bed if you must
And just as the chickens began slinking away
Ricardo thought he heard somebody say
Look out behind you, he’s after the hens
Sound the alarm, there’s a fox in the pen.
And sure enough, there was a fox on the loose,
Putting his razor sharp teeth to good use
He slobbered and snarled as he cornered the chickens
Some of whom started to feel themselves sicken
As the horror unfolded and without hesitation
Ricardo acted in self preservation
With haste so indecent it was down-right obscene
Ricardo scarpered away from the scene
As the hens cried in vain for him to be dutiful
Ricky said, No thanks, I’m here to be beautiful
I’m not about to risk myself being hurt
Or a meal after entrée and before dessert
He said, I’m sorry but I really can’t stay
As Ricardo turned chicken and then ran away
The fox bared his teeth as the seconds grew shorter
And so began the chicken shack slaughter
The fox snarled and snapped and made his attack
As he bit off hen heads all ‘round the shack
Their bodies staggered around quite unsteady
As chicken heads rained from the sky like confetti
And blood spurted out, much like a geyser
The fox was now ready for his appetizer
And just as he prepared to fill up his guts
He heard the sound of the coop door slam shut
He span around, all ready to injure
To find a chicken that was dressed as a ninja
Look at you, said the fox. Are those your pyjamas?
They’re a pretty poor substitute for some armour
For if fear turns your body from muscles to jelly
I can tell you right now you’ll end up in my belly
Calliope did not move so much as a feather
So much so that the fox wondered whether
She had understood that she’d soon be dead
The moment the fox chose to bite off her head
But rather than scream and rather than panic
Calliope took an approach more organic
Ready to rumble and with nothing to say
She raised her wings in the old ninja way
The fox thought it funny and said, That’s alright
It won’t bother me if you put up a fight
With his teeth bared, the fox lunged towards her
But soon found himself face down in some water
It was almost as though the chicken had vanished
The fox could not figure out how she managed
To avoid being eaten or somehow slip through
He simply could not comprehend her kung fu
How did you do that? The shocked fox enquired
As his fox face turned red and began to perspire
As the fox spoke, he again took a lunge
And fell so hard it took air from his lungs
He jumped to his feet and hurled himself at her
A series of blows then started to batter
The fox from his head right down to his socks
As Calliope unleashed her karate chops
Until the fox lay just as still as a tomb
His whole body covered in bruise after bruise
Finally, the old red fox was defeated
I surrender, he cried. I admit that I’m beaten
Forgive me please, I don’t mean to be bitter
It seems that I’m conquered by someone much fitter
More skillful, more brave and better prepared
Someone who managed to make me feel scared
A note in his voice sounded terribly anguished
And the fox hung his head to show he was vanquished
Cal took off her mask and started to leave
But felt someone tug at the hem of her sleeve
Before you go, hear my proposition
For some years now I’ve been secretly wishin’
To stop killing chickens and go into business
Becoming a teacher of physical fitness
Calliope listened but felt quite confused
Throughout her life, she become quite used
To people ignoring her very existence
So she could not understand the fox’s insistence
But why do you need me? Calliope asked
Because, said the fox, You carry a spark
That lights up your innards and glows in your beak
That sets you apart and makes you unique
So Calliope and the fox opened a business
A studio offering physical fitness
Where chickens could train and become less tense
And gain instruction and learn self defence
Calliope Chicken taught them kung fu
Which is just what dreamed that she one day might do
I am free, I am free, I am free, she would say
As she got up at the start of each day
Calliope Chicken had been an outcast
But hard times are times that seldom will last
Happiness can be just a matter of time
Or the time that it takes to make up your mind
I am free, I am free, I am free, she would shout
And for every day since there was never a doubt
That a handful of faith was enough to ensure
She had courage enough to run out the coop door
If you lack courage, then think of Calliope
And take a deep breath, make a note in your diary
That if you take a chance, your pulse may well quicken
But that you will be free like Calliope Chicken