'THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE (AND OTHER SHORT STORIES)' is available for purchase! Just follow the link for an on-line shopping experience that will surely blow your mind.  Upon request, Stuart will sign your copy, either with his name or that of somebody else selected by you.  The book was launched on 28 November 2011 at the Wheeler Centre and is now orbiting the third sun of Jupiter.   In doing so, it has become the first collection of short stories to reach a major cellestial body since Max Walker's 'How to Puzzle a Python' was smuggled on board the Soyuz TM-4 Mir Space Station by one of the cosmonauts.  Also, the first chapter of Stuart's upcoming novel 'GOODSIR' is available in a newly released anthology.  It can be downloaded for free from Amazon by using the following address: http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Novel-Anthology-2012-ebook/dp/B009YNMPPW  Frankly, it would be cheap at half the price.

How I Betrayed Christmas


In my defence, Christmas is a time that is ripe for exploitation and I’m hardly alone in taking advantage of it. Indeed, it’s no secret that the Festive Season is prone to being milked for pretty much every drop of human kindness possible. It’s for that reason that we are subjected to a whole range of Christmas products. Besides, it could have been worse: it could have been a movie.

A very long way to the top

It may well be a long way to the top, but judging by the recent arena rock spectacular, the distance back down again is far, far greater. Inspired by the ABC TV series and, possibly, the movie ‘Cocoon’, veteran rockers emerged to deliver three and a half hours of perfect FM radio programming. But it begs the question: did it desecrate the very thing it sought to celebrate?

Should I or Shouldn't I?

I've been thinking about this for a while and am undecided as to whether, as ideas go, it is brilliant or absolute rubbish. Romance publishers have very clear guidelines which can be easily downloaded. They'll tell you how many words, what style and the home addresses for the main characters. It's quite helpful. If only Random House would be so considerate. So here's the idea: should I try and write a romance novel? The challenge would be to adhere to the conventions whilst bringing something new to the genre.

Pro Forma Rejection Letter



(insert date)


(insert name and address)


Dear (insert first name)/ Mr/s (insert surname) / (insert serial number),


Evil in the Eastern Suburbs


The glow of the television danced across their faces as Gordon tugged at the corner of his cardigan. He shimmied into position and straightened the glasses he wore when he wanted to see the TV properly. Enid had made herself a cup of tea and was dunking a Scotch Finger biscuit.

Calliope the Kung Fu Chicken



Standing about in a Kung Fu stance

With her white robe on and matching white pants

She may be quiet and she may be humble

But she’s always prepared and she’s ready to rumble

The rest of the chickens thought her suspicious

Break Dancer

Years and years ago, when the phenomenon that was 'break dancing' swept through Tyabb like a wild fire, my younger brother decided to take up lessons. In the interests of equity, I too was offered the opportunity to gain instruction in the gentle art of break dancing. However, even at that early age I knew that I was too shy to ever 'bust a move' in public so I declined.


Given that almost everyone seems to be taking, or about to take or have just taken annual leave, I thought I'd tell you about a trip my brother went on back in 1989.


Last night I caught a few minutes of that Neo-Freudian Post Modernist Classic, 'Terminator 2'. I remember that when it came out, that I had gone to see it at the cinema to see what all the fuss was about. The first thing that struck me when I saw out in the 'burbs was that I seemed to be the only person over the age of 12 in attendance.