'THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE (AND OTHER SHORT STORIES)' is available for purchase! Just follow the link for an on-line shopping experience that will surely blow your mind.  Upon request, Stuart will sign your copy, either with his name or that of somebody else selected by you.  The book was launched on 28 November 2011 at the Wheeler Centre and is now orbiting the third sun of Jupiter.   In doing so, it has become the first collection of short stories to reach a major cellestial body since Max Walker's 'How to Puzzle a Python' was smuggled on board the Soyuz TM-4 Mir Space Station by one of the cosmonauts.  Also, the first chapter of Stuart's upcoming novel 'GOODSIR' is available in a newly released anthology.  It can be downloaded for free from Amazon by using the following address: http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Novel-Anthology-2012-ebook/dp/B009YNMPPW  Frankly, it would be cheap at half the price.

Pro Forma Rejection Letter



(insert date)


(insert name and address)


Dear (insert first name)/ Mr/s (insert surname) / (insert serial number),


Evil in the Eastern Suburbs


The glow of the television danced across their faces as Gordon tugged at the corner of his cardigan. He shimmied into position and straightened the glasses he wore when he wanted to see the TV properly. Enid had made herself a cup of tea and was dunking a Scotch Finger biscuit.

Calliope the Kung Fu Chicken



Standing about in a Kung Fu stance

With her white robe on and matching white pants

She may be quiet and she may be humble

But she’s always prepared and she’s ready to rumble

The rest of the chickens thought her suspicious

Break Dancer

Years and years ago, when the phenomenon that was 'break dancing' swept through Tyabb like a wild fire, my younger brother decided to take up lessons. In the interests of equity, I too was offered the opportunity to gain instruction in the gentle art of break dancing. However, even at that early age I knew that I was too shy to ever 'bust a move' in public so I declined.


Given that almost everyone seems to be taking, or about to take or have just taken annual leave, I thought I'd tell you about a trip my brother went on back in 1989.


Last night I caught a few minutes of that Neo-Freudian Post Modernist Classic, 'Terminator 2'. I remember that when it came out, that I had gone to see it at the cinema to see what all the fuss was about. The first thing that struck me when I saw out in the 'burbs was that I seemed to be the only person over the age of 12 in attendance.

The Man From Kazakhstan

The Man from Kazakhstan.



There was a man from Kazakhstan, with a moustache on his face.

He came to Narre Warren after he fell from outer space.

He trawled the streets for children until he came to Springfield Drive.

He wanted them for dinner - to eat them while alive.

Kewell To Be Kind

Thank goodness that’s over. If ever I was afflicted with World Cup Fever, I am now wholly and utterly cured. In this life, there is nothing quite as useful as a complete and utter bollocksing to convince you that it’s time to gently ease yourself off the bandwagon and let it continue on without you. In fact, I intend to watch it as it trundles along before disappearing into the South African sunset; its wheels ever-ready to come spinning off into the nearest ditch.