'THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE (AND OTHER SHORT STORIES)' is available for purchase! Just follow the link for an on-line shopping experience that will surely blow your mind.  Upon request, Stuart will sign your copy, either with his name or that of somebody else selected by you.  The book was launched on 28 November 2011 at the Wheeler Centre and is now orbiting the third sun of Jupiter.   In doing so, it has become the first collection of short stories to reach a major cellestial body since Max Walker's 'How to Puzzle a Python' was smuggled on board the Soyuz TM-4 Mir Space Station by one of the cosmonauts.  Also, the first chapter of Stuart's upcoming novel 'GOODSIR' is available in a newly released anthology.  It can be downloaded for free from Amazon by using the following address: http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Novel-Anthology-2012-ebook/dp/B009YNMPPW  Frankly, it would be cheap at half the price.

The Catastrophic Squeegee Confrontation

Before I knew what was happening it was too late. I waved my arms, I called out, I pulled a face that sat somewhere between alarm and despair, but it was to no avail. He had started and he wasn’t going to stop. There was no turning back. He was going to press on regardless. Having reached the point of no return, there was little I could do other than make sure the doors were locked and hope that the lights would change. Call it an over-reaction; I simply didn’t want anyone to clean my windscreen.

A User’s Guide to ‘The Pub Test’

I was always good at exams. I would study diligently, prepare meticulously and pretty much do all I could to ensure that when the big day came I could do my very best. However, not everything in this life can be studied for and there are some tests for which you simply can’t prepare. Instead, they are trials that seemingly drop from the sky and you either pass them or you don’t. The Pub Test is one such test.

Clear and President Danger

My father was a teacher. He taught geography, history and English. He also taught music for a time despite having no skills in this area, having been selected after accidentally walking into the music room, after mistaking it for the stationery cupboard. But despite a breathtaking lack of talent, he gave it his best shot. Teachers are like that. My mother in law was a teacher also. Our neighbour from across the street too. The schools I went to had loads of them. In fact, I’ve been surrounded by teachers my whole life. To the best of my knowledge, all of them were unarmed.

The Big Bushwalk Time Travel Extravaganza

We’d done it as kids. On family holidays to Wilson’s Promontory, we’d go for bushwalks. Sometimes the whole family. Mostly just my father, brother and I. To anyone else, these would be a nice day out. To us, though, they were great feats of endurance. The whole holiday was defined by these epic adventures. The anticipation built in the days leading up and was succeeded by days of recovery as we struggled against a tidal wave of lactic acid. It was something we enjoyed. As adults, though, it had never occurred to us to go bushwalking. Until this year.

The Gingerbread House Decorating Epiphany

I got carried away. Which is to say that my transition from bewildered detachment through to enraptured hysteria was such that I temporarily abandoned any notion of goodwill to others. Instead, I elected to mercilessly crush the opposition and do all things necessary to secure a glorious victory that, in my mind at least, would be celebrated through the ages. I speak, of course, of competitive gingerbread house decorating.

To Robo-Corey, With Love

Sigh. Deep inside, I think I knew this moment would come. But now that it’s finally here, there’s something about it that’s just so bone crushingly, spirit sappingly, mind-numbingly, bowel shakingly, gut-churningly, soul slappingly predictable that it simply can’t be allowed to pass without comment. When news broke that you’re going to robo-call a million households and tell them that the sky’s about to fall in, the first thing that entered my mind was: but of course!

How to Support the Richmond Fan In Your Life

For all intents and purposes, I’m agnostic when it comes to football. Having been born into a family of Essendon supporters, I was ostracized by my father when, at age ten, I switched to Carlton. To this day, he describes this as one of the greatest betrayals ever to occur outside of wartime. His reaction was such that I began to suspect that I’d greatly underestimated the impact of making a switch. Given the drama it caused, I kind of went quiet on the subject until, eventually, I didn’t really barrack for anyone.

How to Support the Richmond Fan In Your Life

For all intents and purposes, I’m agnostic when it comes to football. Having been born into a family of Essendon supporters, I was ostracized by my father when, at age ten, I switched to Carlton. To this day, he describes this as one of the greatest betrayals ever to occur outside of wartime. His reaction was such that I began to suspect that I’d greatly underestimated the impact of making a switch. Given the drama it caused, I kind of went quiet on the subject until, eventually, I didn’t really barrack for anyone.

Wedding Singer For Rent – Has Own Transport and Shoes

This is a first for me. Never before have I been asked to participate in a Postal Survey. I did once get embroiled in the Napisan Challenge, but that was more a ‘whiter than white’ rather than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ kind of thing. And despite my best efforts to remove stubborn household stains, my use of a domestic-strength cleaning product failed to result in any major legislative amendment. That I know of. Worse still, I strongly suspect my involvement made little difference to the overall result.

A Remembrance of Teaspoons Past

It’s innate. A part of the human condition that is near impossible to resist. Hard-wired into our souls is a need to accumulate and preserve both for posterity and ensure that those who lease storage units for money will never be without income. Personally, I reckon the urge to collect is one of the few remaining remnants of our ‘hunter / gatherer’ phase. Just as a crocodile reminds us of a prehistoric age, so too does our desire to gather take us back to a time when our knuckles hung a little closer to the ground. It’s in our nature to collect souvenirs.

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